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Updated: July 06, 2013
Let The Listener Beware Parental Advisory
White Boys From New Jersey
Artist description Weird Al and Beavis fans, watch out! White Boys from New Jersey are hitting the airwaves!White Boys from New Jersey are Jumpin' John and Pumpin' Paul, whose zany rap and rock songs, featured on the Dr. Demento Show, are inducing a worldwide epidemic of musical intoxication with their "intelligently stupid" lyrics, hot instrumental performances, and truly fresh grooves, including a "rap waltz." Dr. Demento says they're "very entertaining," and you will, too, when you hear their first EP, "Let the Listener Beware!" Brace yourself!!!
Music Style Comedy/rap/novelty
Musical Influences Weird Al, Devo, Beavis, Mozart
Similar Artists Weird Al and Beavis
Artist History Formed over the telephone and the internet by two guys who met each other in college.
Group Members White Boys from New Jersey are Jumpin' John and Pumpin' Paul, whose zany rap and rock songs, featured on the Dr. Demento Show, are inducing a worldwide epidemic of musical intoxication with their "intelligently stupid" lyrics, hot instrumental performances, and truly fresh grooves, including a "rap waltz." Neither John nor Paul live in New Jersey (although they did a long time ago).Jumpin' John and Pumpin' Paul aren't as hard-up for female attention as they make themselves out to be in their songs; however, Paul IS as crude!
Instruments Male and female vocals, keyboards, electric bass, electric guitar, percussion, drums, cello, piccolo.
"I'm very, very impressed! The material's great, the production is on the mark...I really love the 'intelligently stupid' lyrics..." --Steven Andrews, studio vocalist & background singer for many famous acts, including Petula Clark
"..I thought your tape was wonderful..." --Rick Inguanti, Producer at The Sun Group Recording Studio, NYC
"TRULY ingenious... White Boys From New Jersey showcases the genius of two brilliant performing composers...bursting with hilarious lyrics relating life from the white male New Jerseyan's perspective--with a rap twist! Combining great vocals with AMAZING instrumental performances [and] mastery of genres ranging from classical to boogie... these two are destined to go far beyond the borders of the Garden State..." --Grace Griffith, folk recording artist and three-time WAMMIE (Washington Area Music Association Award) winner as Best Female Vocalist
"[Your tape] is quite unique. I do believe that you have a great product here." --Sammie Lee Marler, President, Five Roses Music Group
Additional Info Special Bonus Track: Psycho Bitch from Hell
AWARDS:
Grand Prize, 1993 V.O.C.A.L. (Virginia Organization of Composers & Lyricists) Song Contest First Place (Novelty Category), 1993 V.O.C.A.L. Song Contest First Place (Other Category), 1993 Louisville Area Songwriters' Cooperative Song Contest Third Place (Open/Novelty), 1992 Mid-Atlantic Song Contest Semi-Finalist (Rock), 1992 Mid-Atlantic Song Contest
Male Rap Vocals: Paul Nahay & John Sawoski. Female Vocals: Rozlyn Sorrel & Sherry Williams. Keyboards: John Sawoski & Paul Nahay. Percussion: Bob Moore.
Electric Guitar: Joe Milton.
Electric Bass: Adrian Rosen.
Recorded in Hollywood, California, 1993. ZFD Productions, P.O. Box 7060, Beverly Hills, CA 90212
BOTH: We're White Boys, from New Jersey! PAUL: Yo, chill out while we tell you 'bout the two of us JOHN: No, our names aren't Mortimer, Clyde, or Gus, I'm John PAUL: I'm Paul, sort of a Beatles situation, Except we're of Hungarian JOHN: And Polish BOTH: derivation. JOHN: I was born in '62 PAUL: Me in 1958 BOTH: And we both grew up in the Garden State PAUL: But don't be givin' us no Turnpike crap JOHN: Yeah, Jersey means so much more than that... to us
BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey! PAUL: So what’s the scoop, white boy? JOHN: Did you know that New Jersey has the densest population and more Superfund sites than any state in the nation? PAUL: Why, of COURSE I did! What, you think I'm some FOOL? That's the FIRST thing they taught us back in nursery school! JOHN: Yet we didn't know each other in our youth, PAUL: Not to my knowledge, though I heard you play piano down at Glassboro State College. **** (Grieg Concerto Theme) **** JOHN: But we really met when I was in your class at Stanford U. PAUL: And you wrote a song that made me laugh so hard, I spewed, it was Full of ref'rences to every style of music, so I Said "You've got the talent - now get out of here and use it", you
BOTH: White Boy, from New Jersey/ White Boy, White Boy from New Jersey! GIRLS: Oh, you White Boy - Talented White Boy... from New Jersey! PAUL: Then you moved out to L.A. JOHN: And you to Washington, D.C. BOTH: And we began collaborating via AT&T. PAUL: We talked about the projects that we wanted to do next JOHN: Although our conversations always ended up about sex PAUL: Well, what’d you expect? We’re studly dudes JOHN: We like to party hardy PAUL: Yeah, BOTH: We’re no prudes !!! JOHN: So when the breathin’ gets heavy PAUL: And the lights start dimmin', BOTH: Sorry, gay guys, but... we do women PAUL: like
BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey! GIRLS: Oh, you White Boys! Love them White Boys... from New Jersey! PAUL: Now, we're tryin' to break into this crazy showbiz You played the Beverly Wilshire JOHN: Don't forget you played "Les Miz", but whereas Others may aspire to their "Master of Arts" BOTH: We want to make it big by rappin' to the top o’ the charts JOHN: We crave the fame and fortune, and the fringes it will bring PAUL: Like having Michael and Madonna phoning US for songs to sing JOHN: We'll have bikinied babes around us PAUL: Summer JOHN: Winter PAUL: Spring JOHN: And fall BOTH: Pretty good for two white guys JOHN: Jumpin’ John PAUL: And Pumpin’ Paul, JOHN: Your basic
BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey! GIRLS: Oh, you White Boys - Gotta have White Boys... JOHN: Solo time. **** (Bach) **** PAUL: No way..... **** (Mozart) **** PAUL: Yeh right.... **** (Chopin) **** PAUL: Bogus..... **** (Modern) **** PAUL: Slammin’....**** (Modern) **** JOHN: We’re so white!!!
PAUL: Every now and then, even WE wish we were black JOHN: So the world would take us seriously when we rap PAUL: We've even contemplated certain surgical procedures That would darken and extend our anatomical features JOHN: But after considerable consideration We've decided against such cosmetic alterations PAUL: 'Cause no matter where we live, how we talk, or what we do JOHN: We simply can’t help it, we’re just too
BOTH: White Boys, from New Jersey/ White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey! We're White Boys, from New Jersey White Boys, White Boys from New Jersey! GIRLS: Oh, you White Boys/Gimme a White Boy... from New Jersey! Love them White Boys/Do it with White Boys... from New Jersey! JOHN: (Spoken) Boy, I’m hungry. PAUL: (Spoken) Wanna go to donut king? JOHN: (Spoken) How ‘bout Bob’s House of Lard? PAUL: (Spoken) Yeh, you only live once.
PAUL: I was walking down the street in L.A. When I was approached by an incredible babe. She must have though that I was hip 'Cause she asked me to watch her do the Sunset Strip
Now it sounded real tempting, but I had to decline As she didn't measure up to certain standards of mine She had a mega-babe topography But she was handicapped geographically
GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls) GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)
JOHN: As I was hailin' a cab on the Upper West Side, A sexy lady in a limo offered me a ride I said I had to make the World Trade Center in an hour When she opened up her blouse and showed her own Twin Towers
Now, I hope I wasn't rude turning down her invitation, But I had some reservations about her present location Though it's clear I could've had some sophisticated futzin' The ass is always greener on the other side of the Hudson
GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl JOHN: From High Point down to Cape May, only Jersey Girls do it my way GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl PAUL: From Atlantic City to Cherry Hill, only Jersey Girls give me that thrill
ALL: I want a Jersey Girl Not an L.A. or New York girl 'Cause only Jersey Girls Do it in New Jersey all night long
(Guitar Solo) BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls) (Guitar Solo) BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)
PAUL: I was admiring the Mona Lisa in the Louvre When two Parisian chicks asked me out to groove I said I was in France to enhance my education So they said they'd be my guide on a menage à trois vacation
Now I didn't want to hurt Franco-American relations But I RSVP'd "no" in spite of their strong protestations For I knew then what I needed, and my craving made me frantic For the women that I wanted only lived across the Atlantic
GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls) GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)
GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl JOHN: From High Point down to Cape May, only Jersey Girls do it my way GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl PAUL: From Atlantic City to Cherry Hill, only Jersey Girls give me that thrill
GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls) GIRLS: Give me a Jersey Girl, a Jersey Girl BOTH: (Jersey Girls, Jersey Girls)
JOHN: The White Boys were cruisin’ the streets of downtown Newark Lookin’ to get some play When we noticed an ad about a rapping contest Which we figured could get us major babes So we entered the contest and really kicked butt But the judges must have thought we sounded like poop. ‘Cause they gave us last prize - a pair of tickets To the factory tour at Campbell’s Soup. Needless to say, we were pretty bummed out By the way they dissed us when we thought we’d slammed ‘em But having no other plans that day We took the tickets and a bus down to Camden. While on the tour we slipped on some tomatoes, Slid across the floor on a conveyor belt... Next thing we knew we were packed into crates addressed NASA, Florida, attention: Space Shuttle PAUL: This is mission control. We seem to have some unaccounted-for extra weight on board However, our computers indicate we are go So prepare to be blasted out of your gourd 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 BLAST OFF (FX) We have liftoff (FX)
JOHN: Soon the captain found us, and said PAUL: You’re expendable So I’m assigning you a destination to explore Your mission is to seek out and boldly enter A place where no man has gone before:
PAUL: It’s not a mini black hole Not a giant black hole Not a frozen black hole But a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
JOHN: Not a mini black hole? PAUL: Too small JOHN: Not a giant black hole? PAUL: Too large JOHN: Not a frozen black hole? PAUL: Too cold It’s a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
JOHN: Now, we experienced confusion 'bout what he said Together with nausea from our weightless condition For though black holes were mentioned in comics we'd read We didn't understand the purpose of our mission So, the captain explained that a Starving Black Hole Is a heavenly body that clenches like a fist And sucks you in with a force so strong Not a man alive is able to resist Our job, he said, was to plunge its depths And use our manned units to measure its pulsation And if we were lucky, it would respond With electro-magnetic bio-tech gyrations Which would send our module's head into reception overload Causing lights to blink and fuses to blow But the captain seemed to think that we'd come out all right If we just got down to business, and didn't take all night So we said we were ready, and we understood the plan 'Cause we knew this was our chance to prove ourselves a man But even though our minds were prepared to try it, we Experienced bodily performance anxiety
PAUL: Don't just stand there with your hands in your pockets JOHN: he said PAUL: Oxidize and pressurize the fuel pumps of your rockets Check your spherical reserves and synchronize so you can dock it with that GIRL: Starving Black Hole JOHN: So we suited up, and stood erect Aimed our pod at the hole and pushed "eject" And with a payload to deliver and a mission to be done We discovered black hole probing could be lots of fun!
JOHN: Don't want a mini black hole No giant black hole Forget that frozen black hole Give me a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
ALL: Not a mini black hole? JOHN: Too small ALL: Not a giant black hole? JOHN: Too large ALL: Not a frozen black hole? JOHN: Too cold It's a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
GIRL: Star light, star bright, star whose orbit holds me tight, I wish I may, I wish I might, swallow the manned probe I see tonight!
JOHN: Don't want a mini black hole No giant black hole Forget that frozen black hole Give me a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
ALL: Not a mini black hole? JOHN: Too small ALL: Not a giant black hole? JOHN: Too large ALL: Not a frozen black hole? JOHN: Too cold But a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
JOHN: ‘Cause its really very simple if you've got the right technique The basic docking maneuver's known by every techno-geek So with some practice you, too, can rendezvous ten times a week with any GIRL: Starving Black Hole
PAUL: And if you follow the procedures that I've outlined so precisely All your new celestial rendezvous will turn out very nicely For there's nothing as enticing as your very first encounter with a GIRL: Starving Black Hole
GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm White Boys got soul White Boys got rhythm BOTH: Everybody waltz!
FX: One, two, three!
JOHN: Do the rap waltz! PAUL: Let's jam! JOHN: Everybody clap your hands! PAUL: Do the rap waltz! JOHN: Make a move! PAUL: Come dance the White Boys' funky groove! BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!
JOHN: Now, Caucasians, as a rule, aren't known for having rhythm It seems the Good Lord in His wisdom just didn't put it in 'em PAUL: But the White Boys From New Jersey are a notable exception We got the beat from the thumping that preceded our conception. JOHN: Our piano teachers emphasized the study of the classics So we obeyed, and made no waves, pursuing musical scholastics PAUL: Until the day when we combined a waltz together with a rap beat And the concoction really rocked 'n' knocked our socks off JOHN: It was quite neat
PAUL: It's a convoluted systematic rhythm JOHN: Johann Strauss is in his grave, but this would flip him PAUL: We took layered polyrhythmic anacruses, JOHN: Hemiolas, arses, icti, and Watusi PAUL: Then we added compound metrical durations JOHN: In the most outrageous rhythmic combinations PAUL: But the reason for this all is not complex: BOTH: We simply want more opportunities for sex
JOHN: Do the rap waltz! PAUL: Let's jam! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! JOHN: Everybody clap your hands! GIRLS: White Boys got soul! PAUL: Do the rap waltz! JOHN: Make a move! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! PAUL: Come dance the White Boys' funky groove! BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!
JOHN: It’s been awhile since a waltz went all the way to Number One PAUL: So when the White Boys From New Jersey rocked a waltz, the world was stunned JOHN: Ever since our song monopolized the airwaves of the nation BOTH: We’ve induced a massive case of musical intoxication PAUL: All the kids are really grooving to our funky kickin’ cadence JOHN: As we savor the affections of adoring nubile maidens Who’d have thought that we could meet so many babes who’d make our nights sweet PAUL: By permuting syncopated variations on a white beat?
PAUL: It's a convoluted systematic rhythm JOHN: Johann Strauss is in his grave, but this would flip him PAUL: We took layered polyrhythmic anacruses, JOHN: Hemiolas, arses, icti, and Watusi PAUL: Then we added compound metrical durations JOHN: In the most outrageous rhythmic combinations PAUL: But the reason for this all is not complex: BOTH: We simply want more opportunities for sex
JOHN: Do the rap waltz! PAUL: Let's jam! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! JOHN: Everybody clap your hands! GIRLS: White Boys got soul! PAUL: Do the rap waltz! JOHN: Make a move! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! PAUL: Come dance the White Boys' funky groove! BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!
JOHN: Welcome to Jumpin’ John PAUL: And Pumpin’ Paul’s BOTH: Dance studio GIRL: Let’s dance!
PAUL: Anyone can do it JOHN: There’s really nothing to it PAUL: Just follow our lead: JOHN: On the downbeat you jump up GIRL: Jump it! PAUL: On the upbeat you pump down GIRL: Pump it! JOHN: So get on your feet, get with the beat PAUL: Four, five, six!!! FX: One! GIRL: Jump it! Pump it! FX: Two! GIRL: Pump it! PAUL: Get off your rump! Get off on the thump! JOHN: Slip and slide and bump! PAUL: Push it! Come on! GIRL: Push it! PAUL: Use your tush! JOHN: It’ll make your blood boil. GIRL: Give it to me baby. Oh yeah. BOTH: Oom-Pah-Pah!!!
PAUL: It's a convoluted systematic rhythm JOHN: Johann Strauss is in his grave, but this would flip him PAUL: We took layered polyrhythmic anacruses, JOHN: Hemiolas, arses, icti, and Watusi PAUL: Then we added compound metrical durations JOHN: In the most outrageous rhythmic combinations PAUL: But the reason for this all is not complex: BOTH: We simply want more opportunities for sex
JOHN: Do the rap waltz! PAUL: Let's jam! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! JOHN: Everybody clap your hands! GIRLS: White Boys got soul! PAUL: Do the rap waltz! JOHN: Make a move! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! PAUL: Come dance the White Boys' funky groove! BOTH: Everybody waltz!!!
JOHN: Do the rap waltz! PAUL: Just do it! GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! PAUL: We're groovin' hard... JOHN: So don't poo-poo it! GIRLS: White Boys got soul! JOHN: It's not Beethoven's Fifth, or Tchaikovsky's Sixth... GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm! BOTH: But it helps the White Boys get their kicks.
WOMEN: (Screams) I want John! I want Paul! Ooh, baby, you've got rhythm GIRLS: White Boys got rhythm!
(Woman’s voice: “Hi, it’s me. Leave word. By.”) VERSE 1: If she were the weather, she’d only rain, and if she were a plumber, she'd clog up your drain If she were your car, she wouldn't start And if she were a surgeon, she'd rip out your heart If she were a telephone, you'd be disconnected And if she were your genitals, you'd be infected
CHORUS: She's a Psycho Bitch From Hell Her touch is torture, her love is hate She's a Psycho Bitch From Hell I’d leave her now, but the sex is great Just to look at her, you could never tell How she treats me bad so very well She's my very own personal Psycho Bitch From Hell
VERSE 2: If she were a waitress, she’d spit in your drink And if she were your liferaft, you’d sink If she were your conscience, you wouldn't think twice And if she were a German, her name would be Scheiss If she were a barber, she'd cut off your head And if she were your grandma, she’d pump you with lead
CHORUS
BRIDGE: Now don’t get me wrong, you know I love my baby - There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. It’s just the way that she treats me lately - You’d think she was sent by Lucifer.
VERSE 3: If she were a preacher, she'd mock your beliefs And if she were a dentist, she'd knock out your teeth If she were a clown, she'd make you cry And if she were your lawyer, well, you'd fry If she were your therapist, you’d lose your mind But as a mortician, she'd do just fine
